Tiny loss of memory in France
Choi boeun
In July, 2015, surrounded
by dozens of people in a music school in France, there was a girl standing
rigidly, starting to play a song last only one minute. People could notice enough
that her hand was trembling slightly as she put the bow on the strings. In
fact, she was almost about to faint, because that was her very first
performance in public. It had been already over one year since she grabbed a
bow for the first time. She thought she was ready to perform it, as she could
play it perfectly at home. However, she was not. No. I was not ready at all.
About
two months before the performance, Tiffany, my violin teacher who introduced me
to the sorrowful tunes of a violin, asked me tacitly. “Do you want to play a
song in the upcoming concert?” I was not interested in it, because I always preferred
to play it alone like putting myself in a cave where nobody can see me. I said straight
“No”. “It will be a great experience for you”, “How many people are coming?” “Don’t
worry. It’s just a small concert, there would be only few people” I was not
fascinated enough but, Yeah, It was one simple song. I thought that would not
bother me.
Two
weeks before the show. I had been preparing this piece from time to time
whenever it came to my mind. Now I made few mistakes, and most of the time, I
played that perfectly. The music paper got tattered as it was in and out from
the file which put a smile on my face. I imagined that I could safely come down
from stage. Everything seemed fine until the day before the very day. I could
not close my eyes in bed. I pretended not to be nervous, but obviously this did
not help me at all.
After I realized
that it was already morning, and still had three more hours to practice. I
tightened my bow, and tried to hear the sound. Oh my Jesus, Buddha and the
Virgin Mary. Everything feels so different. I couldn’t stop looking at the
score which gives no time to glance at the finger board. This was a serious
problem. I had to give up one of them. Even in the practice room where everyone
looked so calm and ready to show off, all of my stem cells were intensionally
stimulated. As one by one was called, my hands started to sweat. When it was
finally my turn, I saw the white world. The paper was not just white, but vivid
lily-white which was about to vanish.
Of
course, I don’t remember anything about it now. Well, it doesn’t make sense,
but I really don’t. Probably, my brain erased it right away as people want to
forget what they want to forget. The only thing I know is I trembled a lot like
a vibrating phone. People could hear awesome (Irony) vibrato, even though I
didn’t learn it. The only thing I got to know is priceless though. If you are
preparing for a concert, practice not until you play it perfectly, but until
you make no mistake at all.
