le violon

     Tiny loss of memory in France

Choi boeun

In July, 2015, surrounded by dozens of people in a music school in France, there was a girl standing rigidly, starting to play a song last only one minute. People could notice enough that her hand was trembling slightly as she put the bow on the strings. In fact, she was almost about to faint, because that was her very first performance in public. It had been already over one year since she grabbed a bow for the first time. She thought she was ready to perform it, as she could play it perfectly at home. However, she was not. No. I was not ready at all.

           About two months before the performance, Tiffany, my violin teacher who introduced me to the sorrowful tunes of a violin, asked me tacitly. “Do you want to play a song in the upcoming concert?” I was not interested in it, because I always preferred to play it alone like putting myself in a cave where nobody can see me. I said straight “No”. “It will be a great experience for you”, “How many people are coming?” “Don’t worry. It’s just a small concert, there would be only few people” I was not fascinated enough but, Yeah, It was one simple song. I thought that would not bother me.

           Two weeks before the show. I had been preparing this piece from time to time whenever it came to my mind. Now I made few mistakes, and most of the time, I played that perfectly. The music paper got tattered as it was in and out from the file which put a smile on my face. I imagined that I could safely come down from stage. Everything seemed fine until the day before the very day. I could not close my eyes in bed. I pretended not to be nervous, but obviously this did not help me at all.

After I realized that it was already morning, and still had three more hours to practice. I tightened my bow, and tried to hear the sound. Oh my Jesus, Buddha and the Virgin Mary. Everything feels so different. I couldn’t stop looking at the score which gives no time to glance at the finger board. This was a serious problem. I had to give up one of them. Even in the practice room where everyone looked so calm and ready to show off, all of my stem cells were intensionally stimulated. As one by one was called, my hands started to sweat. When it was finally my turn, I saw the white world. The paper was not just white, but vivid lily-white which was about to vanish.

           Of course, I don’t remember anything about it now. Well, it doesn’t make sense, but I really don’t. Probably, my brain erased it right away as people want to forget what they want to forget. The only thing I know is I trembled a lot like a vibrating phone. People could hear awesome (Irony) vibrato, even though I didn’t learn it. The only thing I got to know is priceless though. If you are preparing for a concert, practice not until you play it perfectly, but until you make no mistake at all.